Cheeky Quotes

Wednesday, 3 July 2013

Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Naught. Nil. Zero. Except a laugh!

I have no words. They have all dried up (or maybe that's me).

Instead, here is a funny email I received. It shows the perils of translation. I suspect Chinese people are far too smart for the following to be true but hope you have a chuckle or two.




A  woman went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It  is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.  Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English………. 
            


Getting  There:Our  representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs  along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will  know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend.  The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The  hotel:
This  is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the  evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left  alone to play with them self.

The  Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table and fiddle with  you.

Your  Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity!   You will not be disturbed by traffic noise since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed
Your  bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will  be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she  will also squeeze your trousers.

Above  all:
When  you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will  struggle to forget it.

3 comments:

  1. Now I am keeping it to read whenever I get depressed. I have a few things like that. Pictures of blue-footed boobies, and recordings of Stars and Stripes Forever. And now this. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So glad it found another home. Thanks for stopping by.

      Delete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete